Dear Dad, and also poison.


I am not going to wish you happy birthday publicly this year.

If I do next year though, then I would probably say something about being grateful for your lack of horribleness and general sense of awesomeness, and I will try to remember to say something about knowing in my heart that you're funny, but who knows if you will be a year from now. Your sense of humor may be completely evaporated at that point. I hope not.

I will try to not forget to remember next year to tell you that. And we will listen to both The Beach Boys and Beastie Boys for old time's sake. But that's next year. For today, today is just another day.

Happy day. Glad you're my dad.

- Joseph Long


What are YOUR children's hobbies?

I have an idea for a venomous suit.
he said from the backseat.
Is it okay if I borrow some poison?

I said.
I'm intrigued.

It will be a very venomous and dangerous suit.
he said.
And I'll mix poisonous stuff, for example poison oak, with centimeter of water.

It sounds dangerous.
I said.
Prohibitively dangerous.

Don't worry,
he said quickly.
I'll wear gloves when I'm mixing any of the toxic ingredients.

I said.
You make a good case for danger.