Those who remove toilet paper bookmarks from library books before returning them, and those who are smart enough to use public libraries, but not thoughtful enough to hold doors open for other people.

Those who are able-bodied adults and return shopping carts when they’re done, and those who don’t tip at restaurants.

Those who accidentally drop their phone in a port-a-potty and say goodbye forever, and those who do so, but fish it out so they can sell it on eBay.

Those who look at clouds and know exactly what type they are, and those who look at clouds and imagine all the things and creatures and people and objects they might be.

Those who can’t problem-solve and troubleshoot any conceivable issue regarding construction, and those who are my dad.

Those who say firemen, and those who say firefighters.

Those who who think Marvelous Mrs. Maisel is hilarious, and and those whose senses of humor drowned in a deep lake.

Those who refuse to watch a movie adaptation without announcing at least six times that the book was waaay better, and those who are not the most annoying people in the world.

Those who use sandal, flip-flop, and thong interchangeably to refer to footwear, and those who get angry at those people for doing so.

Adults who dress up on Halloween, and adults who have given up on not being boring.

Those who turn their underwear inside out so they can wear them two days in a row without washing and thereby save water, and those who hate the environment.

Those who never lose their patience with children, and those who are parents.

Those who answer questions to end a conversation, and those who ask questions to start one.

Those who never misplace their coffee, and those who have too many ideas running through their head to waste time keeping track of a coffee mug.

Those who support public libraries, and those who support Satan.

Those who get excited about watching documentaries about such things as The History of 808 Synthesizers or the Genius of Tom Petty, and those who hate music.

Those who go to movie theatres by themselves, and those who are terrified to be seen doing anything by themselves in public.

Those who don’t have an exceptionally strong opinion about the hygienic factor of two-handled bathroom faucets, and those who are my dad.

Those who think only girls should have long hair, and those who are not stupid.

Those who read books, and those who are in prison for horrific crimes against humanity.

Those who care about the difference between saying “Science Fiction” versus “Sci Fi,” and those who hate science.

Those who know and care about the difference between an Optometrist and Opthalmalogist, and the other 99.9%.

The pathetic masses who don’t eat food in the shower, and the anti-establishment folks who do.

Those who think the British band James is better than U2, and those who have never heard James.

Those who correctly pronounce “Oregon,” and those who live east of Wyoming or west of Hawaii.

Those who support capital punishment for third strike movie spoiler offenders, and the idiots who don’t.

Those who who love public libraries, and those with no interest in the betterment of humanity, advancement of civilization, and spreading of culture.

Those who wonder about the geographic factors that lead to people saying “supper” versus “dinner,” and those who wonder what dinner is being made for them.

Those who hear the name “Homer” and think first of the yellow Simpsons dad, and those who hear it and immediately think of the Greek poet.

Those who know Dr. Lee C. Long is the greatest dentist to ever practice in the state of Oregon, and people who have never been his patient.

July 2019