CONVERSATION : Goodnight dialogue with almost-three year old regarding snakes

- "Daddy, are garter snakes poisonous?"

No.

- "Daddy, are rattlesnakes poisonous?"

Yes.

- "Oh. Daddy, are Christmas snakes poisonous?"

I don't know what Christmas snakes are. Are they real?

- "No."

Did you make them up?

- "Yeah."

Well...I don't know if they're poisonous or not then. Are they?

(exasperated)
- "Daddy! Are they poisonous?"

Umm...yes. They are. We'll say they are.

- "Oh."
(beat)
"Are garter snakes not poisonous?"

Yes. They are not poisonous.

- "Oh. Are rattlesnakes not poisonous?"

No. They are poisonous. They are very poisonous.

- "Oh. Is the poison in their mouth?"

Yes. In their fangs. The poison is called venom.

- "Oh."
(beat)
"Daddy, are Christmas snakes not poisonous?"

I DON'T KNOW! You're the one who invented them!

- "But are they not poisonous?"

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MADE THEM UP! YOU TELL ME!

(the height of exasperation)
- "Daddy! But are they poisonous?!"

sigh.
No. I just remembered that Christmas snakes are not poisonous.

- "Oh. Daddy?"

Yes?

- "Are garter snakes poisonous?"

Go to sleep, son. Sweet dreams.

- "Daddy?..."