Angelina likes beards and hippogriffs.

Daddy,
she said.
You have a big beard. It's very creepy.

What?!?!
I responded in my unwaveringly mature fashion.
You just insulted me, Zack Galifianakis, ZZ Top, and Brad Pitt. Very rude.

Oh, I'm not talking about them. Just you. It's just your beard that's creepy.

So uncool.
I calmly replied.
I hope a griffin swoops down and bites your ponytail off. Then maybe you won't be so horrid to me.

You're the worst daddy ever,
she informed me solemnly.

You're smiling. That makes me think you're lying.

Well I'm not.
she said.

Well,
I said firmly.
I call your bluff. Now I'm going to attack you with my beard and prove my uncreepiness.

So I did. And then the other, a grumpy male, informed me that he hopes I get eaten by a minotaur.

Ha!
I said.
Let one try. I hope it chokes on my beard.

Another win for grizzly dads everywhere.