This is the first year.
stories and snippets from the frontlines of birth to age 01.
Arrival.
There is a good chance your newborn isn’t very cute. They will be soon, and everybody will assure you right away that he or she is. But it’s just something you say. You may dig that lizard-looking helpless human right away, and your heart may be flooded with life. But keep your expectations small. They’re going to look funny at first. Especially if they had a vacuum used on their head to help suck them out.
Month 01
Month 02 Routines?
Smiles! Eye contact! Holding head up!
Child 1 (September 2007)
I love her frantic grumblings when she’s latched onto her mum for lunch - or any meal, or any time - and has to change boobs, and the sounds of panic, frustration, irritation, for the totality of the 5-15 seconds she must wait. 20070922
Month 03
This is where independence begins to rear its beautiful frustrating head. This is both symbolic and literal, as the kid will begin aggressively working on raising head, extricating from swaddles, and choosing to forgo being laid down in favor of you simply holding 24/7. Which is very sweet. But not always doable or undifficult.
So you gotta figure out the right cadences and wraps and all for getting wee one…and staying down for an appropriate duration, ideally longer than four minutes.
Grabbing everything within reach. Eye contact. Talking, especially with eye contact. Standing with assistance. Smiling. Less sleeping. Getting super-interactive.
Back-arching; hey, I have hands and fingers to stuff into my mouth, and this smiling thing is seriously cool!
Child 1 (girl)
Suddenly seeming like…a little girl, not merely a spastic infant. 20071029
Month 04 : Watching.
General
I fear that Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) really starts to kick in around this time. Can’t blame them. So much to see, do, and experience. It does, umm, start to change sleeping plans a wee bit sometimes.
Interest in playing with things. Like a ball. Active reaching. Active eye contact. Only a matter of time before they pull their first plate of food off the table.
Child 1 (f)
Loves sucking on her upper lip. I think she thinks it’s very funny.
Very interested in music. Loves sitting with her uncles and listening to them play piano. Her eyes dart all around, her head bobs up and down, the drool spills down with the rhythm. Maybe I made that last part up.
Child 4 (m)
He laughed as I danced him around on a Sunday evening to the Grateful Dead and George Harrison; his breath caught and giggles gurgled out as he kept his eyes on me. I love the love he has for eye contact, for engaging with someone and seeing the joy he has at possessing their complete attention. It is magical.
Almost sitting up unassisted. Can’t quite pull it off. Lounges in the hoppy and plays with his hands. Or on special occasions his feet, which he loved to jam into his mouth.
The head-bobbling gets a little more confidence, the smile grows a little bigger, the grip tightens a little firmer. And the napping becomes a little more erratic. Or rather, the ability to lay down. Getting to sleep is fine, sometimes it’s the transitioning to his own quarters that’s difficult.
Also, thinks he’s very cool for being able to hold his own bottle…somewhat.
He is so into his hands. Playing, twisting, examining, mesmerized by. And at some point he will inevitable make the sudden decision to plunge one or both into his mouth, ferociously.
Month 05 : Talking.
There are certain months, early on, that feel like massive leaps forward in terms of development. This is one. The talking, the stream of syllables and sounds dripping into in their experimental steps toward intelligible language, and the joy you see as they roll them around and their tongues loll across their mouth and they modulate volume and seize eye contact in a show-off moment…this is magical.
He might be eating solid foods now, which means no more cute-smelling diapers. Yeah, done deal. They get gross from here on out. There’s a bunch of good advice and tips on the first things you should feed them at this point. But honestly a bunch of that advice changes every ten years or so. Basically try to stick to organic, don’t feed honey or cow’s milk, no caffeine (seriously!), stay away from the artificial sugars and sweeteners, and remember that greens are super good for everyone. Also, the small creatures aren’t super great at chewing, and they probably don’t even have teeth. So don’t give them stuff they could choke on. Pretty simple. Also, don’t let them eat by themselves at night. Or ever right now.
Note: this also might be where you read books or blogs or look at your friends’ kids and start to compare where yours is at development-wise. Here’s some advice: don’t. Be affectionate, feed him well, talk to him.
Maybe he’s holding his head up, strong and steady. Or maybe he’s not yet.
Maybe she’s rolling over. Or maybe she’s not.
Maybe he’s smiling and squealing and laughing and interacting. Or maybe he’s not.
Maybe she’s reaching for your coffee and holding onto toys and speaking three languages. Or maybe she’s not.
Child 1 (girl)
Rolling over this morning. First time since last week
Laugh-coughing all the time
Wants Mum and Papa bigtime (20071227)
Child 4 (2020)
The surge of hubris that comes from gaining the confidence to stand on your own two legs, unassisted. What’s the big deal, guys?
Trying out new syllables beyond “da da.” Love it.
Recognizing certain key words and phrases: his name, NOT IN YOUR MOUTH!, clap, wave, etc.
One of my very fave things ever: trying to escape by furiously crawling away as rapidly as possible…
…and then: walking. And the world opens up.
Fighting so hard to sit up and stay up. Observing everything, including whatever film we happen to be watching. Older siblings taking great delight in ever-further interactions as they try to hasten his development, e.g. standing up.
Beginning of an aggressive whine. Not simply baby cry or scream. But a squawking, whiny grumble. Pathetic, hilarious, adorable.
Month 06 Gabbing and grabbing.
This is so great. So great. That personality is just starting to burst and bloom. Nothing within reach is safe and there’s no conversation they won’t want to join.
Child 2 (boy)
Wants me or Becca to hold him. A little challenging. But a little heartwarming too.
Month 07 Noticing.
Child 2
I hate it when people say ‘is he a good baby?’
‘No, he is a terrible baby,’ I think of saying. But usually do not.
“Mama,” he drool-jabbers as he lunges for her. Still not crawling. But most likely soon. Feb 11, 2011
Child 4
Happy happy happy. Playing away, so content. Until Mom shows up on the radar, via sight or hearing. Or even me. Can be having a great time, content and loving life, and then one of us pops on the radar and boom: nothing else he wants. I get him wanting Mum. But me? What do I got, besides being super good at changing diapers and fairly adept at wrestling?
Moving like a maniac. Rolling, crawling forward and back, lifting up on haunches, scouting new territory for the most dangerous places in any given room to hang out. Mobile in the extreme.
Eating little bits of solids now. Still getting the hang of it.
Has to have a spoon. Loves to wave a plastic spoon around constantly, and wrangle in and out of his mouth.
Napping issues. Can get him to sleep fine. But keeping asleep…some tough nights. And days. Wants to be held and is highly aware of his priority list. First mom, then me.
As month 7 draws to a close…standing up. Standing up in the loosest and most precarious possible definition: pulling up with grit and determination, feet at a 45-degree angle to hands and head poised to crack down on the edge of whatever has been used to pull himself up to.
Smiling, talking, squawking, socializing. This is where it truly takes a turn and starts to get extra…vibrant.
Month 08 Playing.
Child 2
FIRSTS: First night solo in his crib. 2-28
The recipient of great love from his older sibling: “You’re my best friend in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD,” she announces to him cheerfully, regularly, accompanied by as aggressive and enthusiastic a hug as she can get away with in our presence.
Child 4
Hardcore playing. I love this. Out and out, no other way to say it play. Teasing, giggling, chasing, even disobeying, as the foggy notion of cause-and-effect, action and reaction start to appear on his radar. Crawling, moving, pulling himself up and all over the place; often with a hammer, stick, drumstick, or plastic spoon.
I love, love, love this stage so much. Tough? Yes. There’s no rest at this stage of mobility. But it is so life-affirming and soul-uplifting.
Again, the playing. The taking-off to get away, the balancing and laughing, the toy-grabbing and conscious, deliberate connections he is making. Oh, and this: he is demanding to get eye contact with someone. He will lean directly into their field of vision, regardless of what they are doing…and just stare at them, look, at them, until the gaze is returned, at which point the smile goes to 11 and the marionette arms go ballistic.
Speaking of ballistic: music. The music starts, and the arms legs head start bouncing; hips swaying. Love it so much.
Month 09 Independence and Co.
Child 2 (2011)
He is scooting everywhere. His smile is giant, and he is very, very attached to (in order):
Becca.
(A distant second) Me.
Remote controls.
Child 3 (2017)
Crawling. The movement has begun. And with movement comes greater and greater independence. It is terrifying and it is beautiful.
Child 4 (2020)
It is so wonderful to see that flash of recognition; that grin as he locks eyes with you and acknowledges with every twitch of his being that you belong to him. And then he takes off scampering as fast as his little limbs can carry him to independence…until he needs you again. This is the clingy part. The part where he wants to be completely on his own, free to discover and explore and get into anything…until he needs you. “You” being, in order of priority, first his mom and (far down in terms of priority), second his dad. Me. A recognition that others are not us, and therefore potentially to not be trusted. Especially in the era of pandemics where he has seen few other people outside of us, his immediate family. He starts to get scared at being left alone or at being handed to someone. It’s sad, pathetic, endearing, and very challenging. And then he looks at you intently, waiting for full attention and eye contact and rewards it with a giant grin. And everything is worth it.
Month 10 Agency.
Child 4 (2020)
The surge of hubris that comes from gaining the confidence to stand on your own two legs, unassisted. What’s the big deal, guys?
Trying out new syllables beyond “da da.” Love it.
Recognizing certain key words and phrases: his name, NOT IN YOUR MOUTH!, clap, wave, etc.
One of my very fave things ever: trying to escape by furiously crawling away as rapidly as possible…
…and then: walking. And the world opens up.
The growing awareness that everything new should probably be taste-tested. Since I can grab anything I can reach, it stands to reason that I can stick anything in my mouth that I can grab.
Month 11 The Stand.
Child 3 (2017)
Loves to hang out with his older bro while he’s drawing with Sharpies, markers, and other art apparatus. Lot of saying “ma ma ma ma” and alternating between snuggling and playing with his older siblings (10, 7) and trying to assert his independence by furiously crawling and lunging away. Getting more and more vocal about desire for autonomy: series of grunts and indignant sounds when somebody is trying to hold him, hug him, squeeze him, or capture him in a manner or on a timeline he doesn’t want.
Understands the mechanics of drawing and writing - he’ll pick up a pencil, pen, marker, etc and approximate the idea of drawing he sees others doing. Proud of himself when he can waggle it back and forth, especially when adjacent to his older sibs while they’re creating art as well.
Child 4 (2020)
The surge of hubris that comes from gaining the confidence to stand on your own two legs, unassisted. What’s the big deal, guys?
Trying out new syllables beyond “da da.” Love it.
Recognizing certain key words and phrases: his name, NOT IN YOUR MOUTH!, clap, wave, etc.
One of my very fave things ever: trying to escape by furiously crawling away as rapidly as possible…
…and then: walking. And the world opens up.