The morning is new
Smell of fresh brewing brew
And the negative doubts friendless.
Hey! I say to her,
I totally had this thought occur:
We’re married quite a few years?
We should celebrate by switching a few gears.
And by gears, how about a date night, I suggest
For a night or two, or six months might be worth it to invest.
I’ve got some ideas supreme, and you know my ideas are worth hearing,
As our middle age we’re going to start nearing.
What you have in mind, Dear?
She says, your ideas I wanna hear.
You thinking an island, lake, south Zimbabwe?
Or a different special place every other day?
I like your thought, I said,
A place with a nice comfortable bed
Then we could backpack along a warm ocean
And close out the day with applying each other with lotion.
For the sunburns? she asked with a smile
Uhh, yes? I said with a smile of guile.
And we could eat exotic vegan foods
Served by super hot shirtless happy dudes!
I’m in, she said, totally sold.
What’s the next step, steal cash or gold?
How we gonna do this thing you mention?
I said trust me, I got this, with all conviction.
I got it all worked out and okay,
Except for the financial bit, that’s for tomorrow or another day,
And the kids, I have an idea, I said.
If we left them here, they might be fine and maybe not dead,
There’s a good chance they’d survive six months on their own
Unless they got sick or broke a big important bone.
But we’ll leave phone numbers somewhere they’ll find
Just in case they get into a superbad bind.
I wonder, she looked at me sadly,
If we oughta downshift this idea, just in case it were to go badly.
Well, I said, they’re your kids as well
You might be right, we want them to grow up alive and swell.
So here’s what we do, I said emphatic
We go out for a week that leaves us ecstatic.
I’ll find a jet to fly us to New York City
Maybe Moby could meet us and sing us an electro ditty!
Excited, she jumped into the idea:
a stopover at Chicago pizzeria, then Miami tortilla,
a new Boston IKEA.
The possibilities are grand!
Ticket prices fo charter planes we scanned and planned,
Man, those things ain’t cheap, surprising!
Private jets run big bucks, my income need upsizing!
Do we really need all those stops? She suggested.
No Dear, I said, but you’re worth everything I’ve invested.
Still, she said, the children’s college funds drained
Could leave their futures a little tiny strained.
Dear, I stated with adoration and love.
To our children, you are an angel hovering above.
So we did some more date night fantasy downsizing
Just a little, we’d lose not much, just maybe one percent of the romanticizing.
New York City gets boring after a while,
And Paris, I’ve heard, isn’t that fun or worthwhile.
Let’s hop a bus to a state close by, I suggested!
Think of all the travel time saved, we’d be super well rested!
You’re a genius, she kissed me hard.
You’re more than okay, you big tub of pig lard.
The children giggled as they observed with interest piqued.
When do we leave? they shrieked-squeaked, curiosity tweaked.
You’re not going. I said with final authority.
You’ll stay here, that’s it, one against four but I’m still the majority!
She looked with pity at their tear stained faces dirty and pathetic.
I knew what was coming, my face turned apoplectic.
They’re not coming with us, Dear, our vacation week is us adults only!
She turned, her warm heart annoyingly so; Dear, she murmured, they’d get a little lonely!
So, I said, now, we’re staying in-state, and let me guess, less than a week?
Oh my love, she said, a week minus six days is the minorest tweak!
I ran the math on this statement and it seemed more our speed,
Especially when I took a speed-read of our bank statement deed.
Okay, I agreed, we’ll do a night to remember!
Better than the best Jolly St. Nick 24th of December!
We’ll eat like a dozen tortillas each at a medium-price restaurant,
Or better, at that cheap one over on southeast Belmont.
Let’s do it, she said, I’m so on board.
You’ve done so much, she continued, you leave me totally floored.
Let me make the arrangements, hubby dearest,
When it comes to making reservations, sometimes my head’s the clearest.
Okay, I said grumpily, thinking of Riviera beaches,
And wishing a child or two would get eaten by leeches.
But oh well, I thought, it’ll be a memory to make,
Just me and my wife on a romance date we’ll take.
We’ll hold hands and skip through some puddles
We’ll dance in the rain and warm up with cuddles.
Just the two of us, we’ll eat three trays of appetizers
And get back late, if we gave the children enough tranquilizers...
...tranquilizers? She said, are you insane, honey bunny dearest?!
Your ideas aren’t always the brightest or clearest.
We can’t give them tranquilizers to help them sleep long!
That would be so completely and totally wrong!
Tranquilizers cost so much money, honey!
If we’re ever gonna get to Europe, we can’t be funny with our money, ya ninnynunny!
There’s only solution, she shrugged, to our date night situation:
That’s to take a look at the numbers, a people re-evaluation.
Am I hearing you right? I inquired.
You’re saying the children’s presence is going to be required?
That’s what I’m saying, my Love of This Life,
She said, This Life, I’m yours, next life maybe someone else’s beautiful wife.
I chased her down and tackled her to the couchy.
The children ganged up and jumped us both, making me grouchy.
They shrieked and squealed and piled into the car
For date night; away we drove, not very far.
A family, we sat together, loud and noisy, in the intimate cafe,
Me and my wife, separated by children in disarray;
I leaned around, stretched my arm out and squeezed her thigh surreptitious.
I like you, I said, and she smiled and moved my hand higher, sneaky ambitious.
It could end up alright.
Thank goodness it’s only one night.
Anything more would be too much of a fight.
Bedtime now, I’m sleepy Dear, turn off the light?