A Conversation: I Am Very Smart, and Will Not Be Fooled By Your FaultyLogic, Daughter

The following is from a conversation in our automobile which took place between me and Magdelana, our five-year old. Johannes (2) occasionally popped in with a response too.

I am certain about the accuracy of my position, though less so than before. 

Guess what? I was putting a suit on when I was little, but I was never actually little.

You were putting a suit on when you were little?

To make me look that way, then I put another suit on to make me look another way, like a little baby.


You're telling me that you were never actually a baby?


I don't get it. You're telling me that you were never actually a baby, that you just put a suit on to make you look like a baby?


Well then, where did you come from? 

I came from South America.

You came from South America? You don't even speak Portuguese!

That's because I came here. 

If you grew up in South America, then you would likely speak either Portuguese or Spanish. And you don't speak either one. So I don't understand -


- but when I came here, then I just crawled into Mommy's tummy, and she didn't even know it. Because I was wearing a suit. I was wearing a newborn suit.

A newborn suit?

Yeah. A newborn baby suit.

Where did you get one of those? I didn't even know you could get those in South America. 

I got it at the Hawaii Store.

There's a Hawaii Store in South America, that sells newborn suits that make you look like you're a little baby?

(starts laughing hysterically)

I did!

Where did you even get the money to buy it?

I didn't buy it.

That's what I thought. So you really were a baby.

No I wasn't!

Well then how did you fake being a baby?

Why are we still talking about this?

Okay, let's just say that I'm correct.

No, you're not.

We'll just say that I'm correct.

No, you're not.

Okay, the de facto position is that you actually were born, and if you cannot refute that statement, that position, with a logical and defensible position, then you cannot change my mind about what I previously thought. Your argument has not been strong enough to convince me of the validity of your position.

We've been talking about this too much.

You're the one that brought it up. Let's just say that like usual, I am right. Would you say that I am correct, Johannes?

Johannes: No.

Yay! Good job, Johannes! I love you! Thank you! Johanni, am I correct? Was Sissy never a baby? Okay, Daddy, I bought him a suit, and right now he is dressed up like a baby.

So you're saying that he's an adult too?


You're saying that your younger brother is an adult.

Yes. He is dressing up.

No, he is actually a two-year old.

You do not know

Yes, I do know! I have factual evidence that -


- No! He put on different skin too. And he made himself shorter.

I do not understand how that is possible.

He is a hundred years old.

Actually, he is two years old.

Uhh! Daddy, you do not know!

Yes, I do know! I know when he was born! 

Daddy, you don't know. He is the same thing as me.

Well you never finished explaining yourself, so I don't believe you. I don't think you are correct.  If he's a hundred, then how old are you?

I am twenty-three.

Johannes: I'm five.

You're not five! You're two! 


And then I gave up, and Becca got in the automobile, and I breathed a sigh of relief, because I knew she would back me up.

And then she didn't.

*excerpted from November 26

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