I Got 99 Bottles, But a Bathroom Ain't One

When I was a boy,
a little boy, but not that little,

my dad took me to a conference,
a dental conference.

They had snacks, and pop.

We never had pop, soda pop
at home.

So it was a big deal.
I drank, and drank,
and had to pee.

I gotta go! I told my dad.

Okay, I'll take you…can
you hold on just a few more minutes?

Okay. I thought I could;
I couldn't.

Geyser, spreading stain,
map of urine spreading across
my pants,
Delaware to Texas in a heartbeat.

Mortified, I tugged at him,
surrounded by his peers and
colleagues and all the adults and cool cats in polo shirts
and 1982 ties.

I have no idea,
but he dropped what he
was doing, without
censure or beratement,

wrapped his sport coat around

me, old enough to have not 
done what I did,
and he never, not once, not
even a little, not ever did he 
make me feel small,
or stupid.

He held me; that
is what I needed,
and it never happened

I was older than this.


  1. "I was older than this." Loved that (and the rest of it).

  2. Thank you, Anonymous! Really appreciate hearing that. Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for reading :)

  3. Sooth! and well said sooth at that.

  4. A great dad is a legacy that lives on and on. I'm sure you are passing it on.

  5. I remember being old enough to know better but still quite young (age specifics will remain undisclosed for me as well), and giving up one day during my kids music class and letting it go, and one of my friends asking, "Did you go pee in your pants?"

    And that was the last time I ever did that.

  6. "My dad took me to a conference, a dental conference." You captured him in that sentence--involving you in his life, and yours in his. Also, "He held me." He's done lots of that for his family! Love how you told the story. Takes me back, and keeps me present. I chose well. Your Daddy is legend. He was born to be a Daddy. From the day you were born, he's lived his life for that purpose. Lucky you! Lucky me!

  7. I remember one time I peed in the front entry-way of our house. I did similar things repeatedly after that. In fact, I don't remember stopping. Maybe dad needs to hold me.


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