10.18.2016

GIANT (THIS IS VERY POLITICAL).


via IFTTT

(THIS IS REALLY POLITICAL). My wife sent me off with an apple today. I am a total elitist with apples: there are good apples, and there are bad apples.


I started eating it, and please know that I am dreadfully not in favor of tobacco, but I realized as I was crunching away on this apple, that it was not only the third best apple I have ever eaten, but that I was eating it with so much style that I literally, and I usually loathe the word literally - looked as cool as James Dean with a cigarette.


It is an unfortunate fact that unfortunately, some people, like James Dean or John Travolta, look really unfortunately cool with a cigarette, and this is unfortunate, but also a staredown with reality. So feast on this for a second: as I was casually conducting conversation and snacking on my apple, I was effortlessly managing to look as cool as James Dean, and this has nothing to do with me normally looking cool or anything like James Dean, and I also have a beard right now. But I was looking so cool, and getting such a self-confidence boost from the realization that I was effortlessly looking cool, and it all had to do, NOT WITH A CIGARETTE, BUT WITH AN APPLE.


Dear National Institute of Health, Yes, I am interested in spearheading your next tobacco cessation awareness campaign and I think I might be onto something. Pay me a lot of money please.


Then I got down to the core, and because I didn't want to lose that warm feeling of coolness, I kept going, but then I glimpsed myself in a window and the coolness was fading fast, so I quit. And went back to plain old me. But I know what I'm sticking in my lunch tomorrow. Feel free to borrow. It works. An apple a day. The political message, as is obvious, is clear, of course, so if you were starved for something political in this political drought, then...you're welcome. ____


(Apparently my wife snapped this as I was just standing there normally.


With my book and apple. Thank you @countessbecca for capturing this candid.)

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