"Is hot lava hot?"
my son asked.
- "Uh, yeah. Hot lava is hot,"
I answered correctly.
"Actually, it's not. Hot lava is cold. Have you ever been in hot lava, Daddy?"
- "No, I have not...at least not that I recall. Have you?"
"Yeah. One time when I was a little kid."
- "Really? What was the situation?"
"Well, I was on a train and hot lava came onto the train and a robber was trying to get me."
- "That is terrifying, IF it really happened, which I'm skeptical about. So what happened next?"
"I got the hot lava out with my sword."
- "Sweet move! I wouldn't have thought of that. What kind of sword A broadsword?"
"A scimitar. Other kinds of swords aren't good for getting hot lava out of trains."
- "Really? Why not?"
"Because scimitars are made out of wood and cutlasses and broadswords are made out of metal and wood is good for getting hot lava out of trains."
- "Really? I don't get it: wouldn't wood burn?"
"No. Scimitars are made out of wood and they don't burn."
- "Okay...agree to disagree. So what happened to the robber?"
"I made a trap out of the hot lava and captured him."
- "Was the hot lava hot?"
"No, I told you that hot lava is cold! We are playing the Opposites Game."
- "Okay. So what was the robber's name?"
- "Her name was Sophie?"
"No. It's a boy. His name was Sophie. He's bad."
- "Okay. So where is he now?"
"He's still in the trap because he's bad."
- "Alright. Is he ever going to get out?"
"No. He's bad."
- "I'm not sure I agree with that. It seems like life imprisonment is an extraordinarily stiff penalty for robbery. Pretty sure Victor Hugo would agree with me."
"Well he's bad."
- "Are you at least giving him something to eat?"
"Yeah. He eats chicken."
- "Okay. Well I'm glad I'm vegetarian, and not a robber. And thank goodness for you and your multi-purpose scimitar."