Real Men Get Self-Conscious

I returned to the tent. Pitch black, rain pouring down, my family wandering what took me so long. Sheepishly, I explained:

"Okay, wanna hear something embarrassing? I took my contacts out, and I wasn't wearing my glasses, so I might have gotten a little turned around on the way back from the bathroom. I have bad eyes, it was very poor visibility, and I got lost. There. Embarrassing."

My wife and children looked at me with interest, low-wattage flashlight providing scant illumination. I saw wheels spinning behind my son's eyes. Deep breath, as he waited for his captive audience's total attention:

- "You know what's embarrassing?"

He did not wait for response.

- "Sometimes I forget my drumstick!"

He continued.
- "You know what's really embarrassing?! One time I forgot my sword!"

He paused, briefly, dredging up more sacrosanct and intimate moments to reveal.

- "You know what's really embarrassing? Sometimes I forget to put my contacts in!"

His sister interrupted his tell-all with a reality check.

"You don't wear contacts."

He forgot his embarrassment briefly and either became A) furious with her or B) started laughing hysterically, in embarrassing fashion.

Our family has many such secrets that would just be too embarrassing to ever share with the world, so we won't.

At least not until we do.

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