I was a kid. Looking to play basketball with someone. Anyone. No one around. Then I spotted someone.
"Bring it, Grandma!" I ordered her. "Bring it!"
- "I have no idea what you're talking about," she replied disingenuously.
"Play me! One-on-one. Basketball. Right now."
(EXPOSITION: the most physical exertion I had seen her ever display up to that point was stretching dough out for apple pie with her rolling pin, or perhaps picking up her lawnchair and moving it two feet further away from the lake.)
"I don't know how to play,"
she lied. And then she said (and I am making this part up) - she said: Look! There's a wart hog behind you!
I looked behind me, and there was no wart hog, and in that split moment of misdirection, she snatched the ball, turned to the hoop, and with horrible form, launched it into the air, where it bravely, stupidly, sadly decided to drop through.
"That's not fair," I said.
She cackled. "I think I just beat you."
"Play me again," I ordered her.
She kept chuckling. "No, I'm done. I beat you."
"But Grandma, you cheated."
She smiled wisely, and looked very self-prideful, which is illegal in the Bible I think, and I vowed that someday I would defeat her.
I learned a lesson from her that day. A lesson about the importance of trickery, and using subterfuge and misdirection. Life lessons. Thanks Grandma Copperfield.
Every once in a while you match up your mood with the perfect accompanying score. In one sense, an album filled with stories about robots and valiant little fighting heroines have little to do with my Grandma, and are about as closely related as Gob Bluth and Manute Bol. In another sense, the Flaming Lips masterful concept album "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots" has everything to do with my Grandma now, and is perfect. The wham-bam double existential punch of It's Summertime and Do You Realize?? is just what I need on this rainy day that ends a week filled with tears and reflection. And memories of the future, in which I plan to school her on the court. Also, I hope to have some good robot friends who will teach me ninja skills.
Sometime, I'll tell you about the time we played football.
On the Nose (Tribute to Gene Kelly & Debbie Reynolds)
The Flaming Lips
It's Summertime / Do You Realize??
Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots